


The 22 Flatmates of 1 Sherlock Holmes - B-Rated Poem

by JoyHeart



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Cute, Fluff, Funny, Gen, Humor, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-14
Updated: 2013-04-14
Packaged: 2017-12-08 10:47:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/760483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoyHeart/pseuds/JoyHeart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before John Watson Sherlock Holmes had 21 other flatmates within 2 years. This poem explains why they didn't quite work out. ^_^'</p>
            </blockquote>





	The 22 Flatmates of 1 Sherlock Holmes - B-Rated Poem

**Author's Note:**

> This was written because of reasons such as Sherlock is not good with people also unlucky, I posted this on tumblr first!

Two Two One Baker Street, in Unit ‘B’

Sherlock Holmes lived there for two years, you see

Before he met Watson, partner and friend

Twenty-one flatmates met earlier ends

.

“No one lasts a month!” The police would cry

To any that dared walk into the eye

Of the storm Sherlock did leave in his wake

“He’s crazy, good luck!” For luck it would take

.

The first man was Dennis, hailing from York

In the first week thought he was eating pork

But found it was human when Sherlock did rage

Disgorging his meal, Dennis left the stage

.

The next man was Nicholas; poor old sap

Thought Sherlock was funny till that ‘rap tap’

Of bullets through walls, when Sherlock was bored

After three weeks, Nicky left, much abhorred

.

The third was a woman, name: Sarah-Jane

Who never thought hot men could be a pain

But Sherlock described her as a cheap whore

Barely four days and she was out the door

.

Georgy from Surrey was fourth in the line

He found it quite hard to live on his dime

As Sherlock destroyed everything that he owned

In one explosion, and Georgy did go

.

Lack of a roommate made Sherlock concerned

He can’t live alone; so little he earned

Matilda he suffered for four weeks straight

Fine, till a murderer used her as bait

.

Matilda now absent, Mister Lee sixth

Hailing from China where he wasn’t missed

Sherlock looked at him and knew in a glance

In one night deported him back… to France

.

Seventh was Desmond, a shady young man

But he could stand Sherlock, not many can

He lasted the first month, thought he was free

In cruel twist of fate, his car hit a tree

.

So eighth was Kathy, the flat now seemed cursed

But of all flatmates, Sherlock hates her worst

She who left toenails all over the sink

“TOENAILS, MYCROFT!” Sherlock screamed, “OH, TO THINK!”

.

Man nine was chosen by Mycroft himself

Paid then to stay there with Mycroft’s vast wealth

Sherlock did his best to make life a hell

He won’t take Mycroft’s help, that he can tell

.

The tenth mate was Rufus, his breath did stink

Eleventh, Mary, annoyed with her wink

Twelfth, dear old Jeffery, ran six smuggling rings

Thirteenth, Georgina, won’t pick up her things

.

Mycroft in a tizzy begged Sherlock stop

“Accept perfect roommates just don’t come up

Such flaws before never did bother you”

“If YOU’D stop BRIBING them, they’d be fine too!”

.

Fourteenth was Viola, Sherlock’s poor choice

Big dark rimmed glasses, a very small voice

She loved violin and hailed him a God

But giggled at night, he found her quite odd

.

All was quite fine till he blocked ‘Tumblr’

An odd little website beloved by her

“Your bothering my work!” he dared so to say

No flatmate nor violin the next day

.

New violin purchased, Timmy was next

Fifteenth in line, with no real pretext

Mostly he was boring, to be ignored

Choked on his vomit on a bar room floor

.

Sixteenth, Maria, set Mrs Hudson off

She smoked up a storm, the land lady coughed

Maria told Hudson “Bugger away!”

Holmes showed her the road where her bags did lay

.

Seventeenth roommate within sixteen months

Dear Bobby Junior was just one great lump

Sat on the sofa and burped up a storm

Quickly kicked out, Mycroft feared it a norm

.

On the eighteenth roommate Sherlock called “Help”

Mycroft suggested that he stay himself

This lasted an hour after he moved in

Both Holmes men questioned what they’d been thinking

.

Roommate nineteen was a normative bloke

Associated with important folk

Mycroft decided him easy to bribe

Between bloke and Sherlock, a plan contrived

.

Splitting the payments from Mycroft seemed fair

He’d get information Sherlock won’t share

But Sherlock’d get paid and store up some funds

He kicked the bloke out and was set for months

.

Two months exactly before he’d run out

So he found Angela who liked to shout

More screaming really, but who would’ve known

She’d fear getting eyeballs in her lunch, so?

.

The penultimate flatmate in this tale

Had an angry baby that liked to wail

That’s it, that’s the story, Sherlock was mad

He’d given this flatmate thing all he’d had!

.

But finally, FINALLY, HE appeared

Doctor John Watson, his grin here to here

Calling him brilliant, coming on cases

Shooting a cabbie, he hit all bases!

.

Paying the rent on time, making the tea

Accepting the body parts he did see

Watson was perfect beginning till end

A perfect flatmate and Sherlock’s first friend ;)


End file.
